Because I am a
financial counselor, what I am
about to say may shock some people, but here goes...
College is not for everyone.
Now, before you become appalled at that statement, you have to consider
the second part...
Education is for everyone.
The problem.
I
have had parents come to counseling because their teenager is
graduating from high school and refuses to go to college. The
parents practically fall out of their chairs when my answer is "Then
don't make them go to college." I always recommend that
parents
try very, very hard to convince
their child to go to college, but never force them
to go to college. You see, not everyone is college material.
College is hard, demanding, exhausting, time-consuming and
requires a lot of commitment--not everyone is capable of
enduring all of that
for the length of time it takes to graduate from college.
I have also noticed
in my counseling that teenagers who are forced to go to college right
out of high school often don't take college seriously enough.
Generally in that situation, the teenager treats college like
it
is just an extension of high school. I have seen students go
to college because their parents forced them to, then cut
classes, not study, do way too much partying, and get poor grades.
Far too often these kids end up dropping out and never
finishing
college--what a waste of time and money!
Now don't get me wrong,
I very strongly
advocate going to college, but only for people who have
what it takes to be successful in college, including having a desire to
go in the first place. If a teenager went all through high
school
cutting classes,
goofing off, getting poor grades and barely graduating, then what do
you think is most likely to happen if they go straight to college from
high school? Besides, you have to consider that
teenagers are
still young, naive and inexperienced. Most of them think
they've
got it all figured out and already have what they need to succeed.
You can try all you want to convince them that they still
have a lot
to learn, but they won't believe you because they think they already
know what to expect from life. But they can't know what to
expect from life when they haven't yet had to
make a mortgage payment, pay utility bills, put food on the table, pay
for all of their own clothing, or take care of a family. If
teenagers already think they've got it all figured out, then why would
they be motivated to go to college to prepare for a world that they
believe they can already handle? And this brings up another
suggestion I make to parents whose kids refuse to go to college.
The grand
experiment.
Oftentimes
teenagers just want to get out of high school, get a job and start
earning spending-money instead of committing to another four or more
years of school. So, I recommend that parents in this
situation
let the kid take a year off after high school; but, during that year
the
child is going to have to work and is going to have to start paying for
their own expenses. If the child decides to just sit around
and do
nothing, then the child will have nothing--the parents are not going to
help them out financially. Charge the kid a reasonable room
and board,
make them buy their own clothing, make them pay for their own gasoline
and car insurance--basically, let life knock the kid around for a year
so the kid can see what life is really like and can see that they
really don't have it all figured out. Quite often, after that
year
is over and usually before, kids are ready to go to college in
order
to avoid having to live like that for the rest of their lives.
If you decide to try this technique, you
don't have to cut the child off all at once--you can remove parental
support little by little so the child has time to try to adjust to the
situation. As things get harder and harder for the child,
make sure
you let them know that you still love and care about them, but they
need this opportunity to see how things work out when they try it their
way.
Of
course, you parents need to monitor the child's situation closely to
make sure they are safe, healthy, and not getting themselves into
trouble, just don't jump in and help them out financially unless you
absolutely have to. Be supportive and don't let it become a
competition to see who was right and who was wrong. If it
becomes
a competition, then the child might not admit they were wrong even if
they come to believe they are. It is all right to let the
child
know that this is an experiment. You want to see what
happens.
You can even refer to it as an experiment.
Regardless, make
sure that the lines of communication are always open. Talk to
the
child about how it is going. Give them emotional and parental
support and guidance along the way--just try not to help them out
financially. And please do
not undertake this experiment unless both the parents and the child
have the temperament, maturity and relationship needed to deal with
something like this. It's okay for life to knock
the kid
around a little bit as long
as it is never allowed to destroy them. As this experiment
progresses, talk to the child about what is going well and what is not.
Then, you might be able to start bringing in what an increase
in
income would do for their situation and how a college education can
provide that. The cardinal rule of this experiment is to take
it
slowly and try not to let it become confrontational. You
might
even be able to cut some sort of deal with the child: "If after one
year you haven't accomplished all the things you said you would, then
you try it my way and get more education."
If
the grand experiment doesn't sound like something you can do in your
family, then perhaps make a deal that you will supply certain things
for them as long as they are in college. As soon as they are
not
in college, they have to provide all of those things for themselves.
This can be a car, gasoline money, insurance, spending money,
etc. Try to keep the deal open so that the child can come
back at
a later time and still take you up on the offer.
Remember I
said that college is not
for everyone, but education is
for everyone.
Too
many people think that education
means going from elementary school to junior high school to high school
and then on to
college. Yes, this is education, but it is not the only
meaning
of education. Education means to learn by being taught.
So
public school and college fit that definition, but so do adult training
classes, apprenticeship, trade school, joint vocational school,
journeyman training, and
on-line courses. I very firmly believe that not everyone
should
go to college, but everyone should get an education--especially when it
comes to preparing for the world of working for a living. If
your
child does not want to go to college, then talk to them about the
possibility of some other form of training such as the ones I just
mentioned. You don't have to go to college to become an
electrician or carpenter, but you can still make a good living in
those honorable professions. Other honorable professions
available without going to college are a
chef, welder, machinist, pipe-fitter, mechanic
and
a large variety of other professions.
Yes, these professions are much more physically demanding,
but
they can still be perfectly acceptable ways to earn a good living.
It is okay to explain to a teenager that a college
education allows them
options other than having to do physically demanding labor.
Sometimes
when a teenager compares what careers are available without a college
education to what careers are available with a college education, they
will become motivated to go to college after all. If you can,
take the child to a variety of different job sites and show them the
difference in such jobs.
One
of the biggest problem I see, when it comes to education and careers,
is that far too often parents have already decided what their
child will do for a living before the time even comes. Then,
the
parents become upset when the child wants to go in a different
direction and the whole thing becomes a huge confrontation between the
child and the parents. To truly be successful and happy in a
career, a person has to be doing something they love--something they
feel they were made to do. If a parent forces a child into a
career path the child doesn't really want, the child's heart
will
never be in their work and for the rest of their life, job satisfaction
will be hard to come by.
Conclusion.
If
your child doesn't want to go to college, first try very, very hard to
convince them to do so. Make deals, bargains and agreements
if
you can to at least get the child to try going to college. If
the
child still refuses to go to
college, then possibly let them try to support themselves for a time
while they still have the parental home as a safety net. Try
to
help the child find some other form of career training in a field in
which the child is truly interested. And remember that
education
doesn't have to be formal. If your child just cannot function
in
any form of job training, or is already doing nothing but manual labor
jobs, then at least have them spend some time at the library learning
new things that may help them improve their situation later.
If
you want to see how education affect income, then check out education and income.
Please know that all of the thoughts, information,
suggestions
and techniques given on this site are nothing more than the author's
opinion on
the matter being addressed. Do further research before making
any decisions.
